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Seven Years Later…

or more like three. Either way, I have not had the capacity to write any reasonable amount of religious thoughts for a very long time, and I’m sort of able to do that now, so we’ll see. I am trying to not just keep my thoughts inside forever without sharing them. I have to believe that someone might actually want to read what I think about things.

Also, I might be getting better at, hm, more devotional writing, and I need a place to put it that isn’t the tumblr. so yes, I’m dusting this old blog off again. yaaaay okay that’s it for now.

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Community and Devotion

Okay here’s a thing: These are words that are getting thrown around in the current debate and character assassination and mudslinging about Pop-Culture Paganism and its relationship to Traditional Paganism.

I have very purposely not gotten into this debate because for the most part it does not impact me at all. I don’t include any of these “new” gods derived from fiction in my religion, and my practice also does not involve a clear organizational structure. I’m like three houses down, peeking through my curtains to see what the neighbors are fighting about. Take this as your grain of salt right now.

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It’s been a while since I actively made offerings or took care of our shrine or just sat and talked to the gods. I’ve been a bit confused and indecisive lately, about whether or not I should change the setup, who I should be honoring, whether everyone should be all in one place or have their own separate spots.

I’ve been wondering about the Kemetic flavor things have been taking on. (more…)

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Today has been an interesting experience in, probably, being punked by Deity. hooraaaaaaaay. sarcasm.

So it started when after I awoke from the nap I should not have taken, I told Looly via text that I had been knitting. Which wasn’t strictly true, but I’d been doing that earlier. Still though, lies! not a good way to start the day.

And then I couldn’t send the text. Because my phone froze. SIGH. So I turn on my computer about to reply to Girlfriend’s email explaining that my fucking phone froze while I was trying to explain why I hadn’t answered her email yet and when my computer starts (with no sign of any problem or slowness) the windows are doing the rapid-scrolling ridiculous thing that happens when my tablet gets unplugged abruptly, only this  has not happened so there’s no explanation. I check my phone and it is unfrozen so I inform Girlfriend of the situation and restart my computer, and go give LG an offering because I suspect sneakery and jackassery involved in this. lit a tealight, offered Altoids and a shot of vodka, which not the ideal thing but it’s what I had on hand. Also possibly not ideal to open with “okay jackass would you like some curiously strong mints?”

but anyway. Computer and phone both working fine after that. I look up some things about alternate forms of divination, since I feel iffy about using tarot to check whether deities like offerings or not, go with a three-penny coin toss style deal. Learned some things, possibly! coins are not the ideal way, LG might prefer Tarot, the offering was sort of accepted (altoids strong yes, vodka not so much) and Wednesday is probably a better day to do offerings than thursday. okay.

Girlfriend wanted me to take the bus downtown and meet her at Target so we could buy a little tree! yay! but I have a shitton of bus anxiety/being out in public anxiety/not being in control of getting where I’m going anxiety. But I had to go so I put on my big kid pants and walked to the bus stop and made some nice neutral small talk with the ladies at the bus stop. As we spotted the bus approaching one of the ladies dug in her pocket for her pass and a penny fell out. She saw it, one of the other (younger) ladies made a move to get it for her, but the owner of the penny just sort of glanced at it and moved on with her day and I thought that was kind of weird and I also had the urge to take the penny for myself or try to give it back to her. But by then the bus was there and we all just left it on the ground without talking about it because it’s a penny, whatever, right?

Cut to Target, I meet Girlfriend and we begin our Adventure Shopping For Awesome Things. We find the perfect little tree and a bunch of things for present-making, and then we browse for other things we might need. Oh, how we browse. In the section with candles and the like we pick up some more votives, I look for those LED flameless candles since those might be a better long term option and then (oh dear god) I see the end-of-aisle clearance displays with some really, REALLY lovely glass deals, candleholders shaped like pine trees and pinecones and I attempt to pick one up to inspect it.

The key word here being ATTEMPT. Okay so here is how this travesty went down: I picked up one of the trees, having to tilt it to the side a little because the end-of-aisle shelves are really spaced too close together for something as tall as these candles and there is a little metal grill on the front of the shelf to keep the merch from falling off the front. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I say. So I get the one tree candle, look at it (the top lid bit detaches completely and it’s a little loose fit on the bottom but the glass looks nice, all silver speckled. the pinecones are gold. So then I put it back, or TRY TO and I have an EPIC FUMBLE like really, really, cartoon level flopping of hands as I try to put it back, the bottom catches on the shelf-protecting grill and it slips out of my hands. Girlfriend is to my side, beginning to laugh at my blunder as I catch the thing and put it back on the shelf and prepare to breathe a sigh of relief.

When my act of putting the one candleholder back knocks ANOTHER one off THE SIDE OF THE SHELF and it goes crashing to the floor of the next aisle, which is greeting cards, in a spray of silver slivers and all this basically happened in the space of about three seconds.

And I stood there in shock for a second, and Girlfriend was a little freaked out and I was a LOT FREAKED OUT because hi we were just about to spend quite a bit of money on holiday gift stuff and I just broke this fucking thing and the ladies looking at greeting cards were like O_O and meandered away and Girlfriend, bless her saintly heart, was trying her damndest to pick up all the little tiny invisible pieces of glass and get them out of harm’s way AND try to calm me down, because all the anxiety I felt earlier just bubbled up inside me and it was coated in a healthy dollop of SHAME and self-loathing and it was a huge triggery crisis and it took basically every ounce of self control not to break down crying in the middle of Target. Eventually we flagged down someone who actually worked there (surprisingly difficult!) and I was all prepared to pay for the broken thing  but she was like “oh no way don’t even worry about it this happens all the time” which..okay! but like wow gosh is that a normal thing these days? I thought it was generally store policy to charge for broken merch. But um okay. Perhaps she could tell that we were REALLY UPSET. Anyway. Looly offered to buy me another candle (a different one, not that glass monstrosity, jeez) and we checked out and I went to get a drink of water at the water fountain because I was so jittery still, and then! by chance! some young high-school age looking folks were walking out of the store with their wares and one of the girls dropped a penny. And she looked back at it but kept on walking, and another girl in the group made a halfhearted effort to grab at it but then gave up and I was heading that way to return our cart and rolled the cart right over the penny and I thought (perhaps irrationally) dammit, maybe if I’d picked up that other penny before I would have had better luck.

We will never know if that’s true or not but I definitely picked up that second penny and pocketed it and Girlfriend and I went on our merry way home and now the penny is sitting in the cairn along with the rest of them, and I’m not even sure what that all means.

Except

EXCEPT

of COURSE the candle that caused my emotional fiasco was a tree made of Mercury glass.

So there’s that. I’m not going to go all out and definitely say that it was LG punking me, or that LG definitively IS Mercury (though he is definitely of a Mercurial stripe) but on the whole the day’s events have been enough strange stuff happening in conjunction with a general Weirdy Feeling that I feel safe in saying that there was some Other influence going on here.

Le sigh.

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